Whose kid are you
anyway?
Right from the time you are born you are trying to figure out
who you are and where you belong. You react to how people behave
and learn how to speak and do things watching people around you.
You learn what to expect and what is expected of you.
If you smile and coo both the parents are excited and want to
tell the whole world what a wonderful child they have. They want
to show you off to the whole world. Send your numerous pictures
to everyone they know. If you are a fussy child, cry too much,
and throw tantrums; no one wants to talk about you. Each parent
tries to blame your behavior on the other’s personality.
You will often get to hear statements like, “this is your
child”.
This is at least very common of hard working, over achieving
Asian parents. You look good, play piano, do well in school and
you are the apple of their eye. You are used to being shown off
to their friends as one of their own accomplishments. Whether
you want to or not, you will be asked to show your work, your
awards, and pictures to everyone that comes to your house. If
you are not doing as well as they expect you to, no one talks
about you. While they fear for your simple future, you are also
seen as their failure.
One day you do well in school, placed first on track team and
are accepted in the best college. Everyone is overjoyed and boasting
about your accomplishments. Parents are claiming to be the reason
why you are so good, “yeh mera bachcha hai”. You make
a bad mistake, get into a fight, don’t do so well in school
and you know you are going to hear your parents complaining to
the other, “see what your child did, tumhara bachcha hai”.
So, whose child are you anyway?
You are the same child, you do well and both parents want to
take the credit for it, in fact the whole extended family including
grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins want to show off. “He
is our child, he takes after our family, and he is so good because
of our family”. People who are not even family will tell
you they wish you were their child. You fail or mess up and no
one wants to claim you.
Luckily most children understand and know that their parents
do really love them and want them to be accomplished and successful
in their lives.
Veera Mahajan
Michigan
