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Union
gives strength- About Marriage
Someplace I read- parents shouldn’t worry about their children not listening…parents
should worry what their children are watching. After all, we are greatly influenced
by our childhood- right? However, the greatest mistake we can do is to use
our childhood as an excuse not to execute the necessary changes in our adult
conscious-being. But this writing is not about childhood… it’s
about what usually happens in most societies in the world before we are born-
Marriage.
I have never been married, nor have I lived in free union- so what do I know
about marriage? My understanding of marriage is based on two pillars- God’s
word of wisdom and what I watched in my childhood. I learned from my mother
unconditional love, loyalty, and sacrifice…from my father I learned
to dream and to live with courage to attain and preserve justice and freedom.
But this writing is not about me- it’s about marriage.
In my previous writing- A woman’s worth- I said that when a boy gets educated, a man gets educated…but when a girl gets educated, a whole nation gets educated. Therefore, a woman is the one to build a marriage…she is the pillar that represents strength and unconditional love. The Holy Book says “He who finds a wife finds what is good” (Proverbs 18:22). A well instructed woman is the manager of the most significant enterprise in society- Marriage!
Depending on what the person watched in his or her childhood- marriage might
be a contract, a chain, an alliance or the first bond of society like Cicero
said, etc, etc. Most people agree that you need a little bit of attraction,
communication, commitment, respect, trust, and purpose in a marriage…so,
why a marriage fails? I personally believe that a healthy divorce is better
than a sick marriage…after all, children are watching- right? Marriages
fail because couples get married for the wrong reasons. People get married
out of fear to be alone, force of habit, financial related matters, sexual
needs, pure physical attraction, pregnancy, etc, etc.
Success in marriage is not just finding the right mate…but being the
right mate. We can’t demand what we are not capable of giving-right?
I am sure you’ll agree that a relationship by itself is a lot of work…there
is a lot of forgiving, time, generosity, humility, and compassion to be shown
every day for one another- especially during and after difficult times. Regardless
of what religious background we belong to or what God we believe in…If
we prayed to God to send the right-mate into our life- no marriage would fail.
But, even then…how could we be sure that we are obeying God’s
will and not our own? The only way to be sure that we are getting the right
mate is to share the same vision.
It doesn’t matter how much attraction, respect, communication, enjoyment,
trust or purpose exists between two people now…if they are not looking
at the same direction- they will divide down the road. On the other hand,
two people now might have different likings, tastes, approaches, opinions,
backgrounds, etc…but, if they are looking at the same direction or the
same vision- they will work out and mold their differences to become one.
The foundation for a successful marriage is not to be looking at each other
blindly in love or getting married for all the wrong reasons mentioned above.
It is to share the same vision. It’s when we share the same understanding
of values, principles and morals in life. Let’s not confuse a purpose
for a vision. A purpose is short term or temporary…a vision is who,
where and how we see ourselves at the end of the road- and as one to over
come all challenges on the road to our vision!
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Diana Ben-Avides:
